Landlord’s Visit

This brief conversation ensued between Akaku and his landlord…

LANDLORD: (knocks at Akaku door)

AKAKU: (Opens the door)

LANDLORD: Hey man, I’m looking for my house rent?

AKAKU: You can come in let’s look for it together.

Math Joke

The following conversation ensued between Akaku and his teacher in class:

Teacher: Answer this math problem; if your father earns N100,000 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?

AKAKU: A heart attack!

HIV Test

Akaku goes for an HIV test in the morning and comes back in two hours later beaming with smiles.He quickly visited his girlfriend…

AKAKU: Baby, I went for an HIV test this morning.

GIRL: Really honey?

AKAKU: Yeah and I’m so happy, wish it can be like this forever

They both had sex that moment.

An hour later…

GIRL: Oh honey, I’m so happy you did your HIV test today. So tell me, what did they say?

AKAKU: Nothing. The center was closed.

Boobs

After having sex, Akaku and his girlfriend were chatting in his room when she suddenly asked him a question:

Girlfriend: Sweety, you claim to read Novels a lot right?

Akpos: Yes dear. Is there a problem with that?

Girlfriend: Not at all, I just want you to describe my boobs with the name of a novel.

After some seconds, Akaku laughed and blurted out, ‘Things Fall Apart’.

Who killed Abel

I went to the police station to certify my document. On arrival, I met one of the policemen reading the bible, specifically Genesis, I was so impressed so I asked him, “Officer, who killed Abel, Adam’s son?” He raised his head, looked at my face with dismay and said, “I don’t know, ask Sgt Asare, he is in charge of murder cases.”

WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.

2. My son, a woman could be a
good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.

3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.

4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.

5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in- charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.

6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.

7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.

8. My son, in our days, we had
many wives and many children because of our large farm- lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.

9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.

10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of
spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.

11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother
father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.

12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.

13. My son, your mother rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car
outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.

14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?

15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house,
divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.

16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame
her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.

17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my
family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.

18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.

19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.

20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.

21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.

22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, so that your children will take care of you too.