Funniest Akpos Jokes

Akpos got to School late on Monday Morning and his teacher asked; Teacher: Why did u come late to skool?.
Akpos: One man lost 1000 naira note at the Bus Stop.
Teacher: ohhh…I see..were you helping him to look for the money?. Akpos: No!!.. I DEY CRAZE???…Na me stand on top d money since!(meaning am I mad?,I was the one standing on the money)

Fulani Man at the bank joke

Today at the bank, a Fulani man goes to the ATM and withdraws all his money. Then goes inside the same bank and deposits the same money he withdrew telling the bank officer that, my money is not safe outside in the ATM…people are just withdrawing anyhow and they can end up withdrawing my money. Keep my money inside the bank, please. Don’t Smile alone, share it to our loved ones.

Quotable Quotes

No matter how beautiful and handsome you are just remember BaboonS, Monkeys and Gorillas also attract tourist.

No matter how big and strong you are you will not carry yourself to your grave.

No matter how tall you are you can never see tomorrow.

No matter how light skinned you are you will always need light in darkness.

No matter how rich and many Cars you have you will have to walk to bed.

No matter how much you acquired you will go back down to the ground empty handed.
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You know you’re a little too promiscuous when….

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother could’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

He said ,”Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the silver plate from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I’m not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,
Mom.

Guns in the ground

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

“This year I’m unable to plant potatoes because I don’t have the strength to dig into the ground. I know if you were here you would’ve helped me.”

Son replied:

“You idiot dad, don’t dig into the ground, I have hidden the guns there.”

The police read the letter and the next day the ground was dug by the police who were searching for the guns but they found nothing.

Son wrote again:

“Dad, the ground has now been dug up, you can now plant your potatoes, it’s the best I could do from here. Love you.”

Moral of the story…Where there’s a will, there is always a way!

WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.

2. My son, a woman could be a
good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.

3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.

4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.

5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in- charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.

6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.

7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.

8. My son, in our days, we had
many wives and many children because of our large farm- lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.

9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.

10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of
spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.

11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother
father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.

12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.

13. My son, your mother rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car
outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.

14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?

15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house,
divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.

16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame
her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.

17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my
family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.

18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.

19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.

20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.

21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.

22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, so that your children will take care of you too.