Funniest Akpos Jokes

Akpos got to School late on Monday Morning and his teacher asked; Teacher: Why did u come late to skool?.
Akpos: One man lost 1000 naira note at the Bus Stop.
Teacher: ohhh…I see..were you helping him to look for the money?. Akpos: No!!.. I DEY CRAZE???…Na me stand on top d money since!(meaning am I mad?,I was the one standing on the money)

Fulani Man at the bank joke

Today at the bank, a Fulani man goes to the ATM and withdraws all his money. Then goes inside the same bank and deposits the same money he withdrew telling the bank officer that, my money is not safe outside in the ATM…people are just withdrawing anyhow and they can end up withdrawing my money. Keep my money inside the bank, please. Don’t Smile alone, share it to our loved ones.

Quotable Quotes

No matter how beautiful and handsome you are just remember BaboonS, Monkeys and Gorillas also attract tourist.

No matter how big and strong you are you will not carry yourself to your grave.

No matter how tall you are you can never see tomorrow.

No matter how light skinned you are you will always need light in darkness.

No matter how rich and many Cars you have you will have to walk to bed.

No matter how much you acquired you will go back down to the ground empty handed.
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You know you’re a little too promiscuous when….

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother could’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

He said ,”Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the silver plate from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I’m not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,
Mom.

Guns in the ground

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

“This year I’m unable to plant potatoes because I don’t have the strength to dig into the ground. I know if you were here you would’ve helped me.”

Son replied:

“You idiot dad, don’t dig into the ground, I have hidden the guns there.”

The police read the letter and the next day the ground was dug by the police who were searching for the guns but they found nothing.

Son wrote again:

“Dad, the ground has now been dug up, you can now plant your potatoes, it’s the best I could do from here. Love you.”

Moral of the story…Where there’s a will, there is always a way!

Escape

A man calls a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in the room 27.
She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him, "No, the room is empty."
“Good,” says the man. “That means I must have really escaped.”

Life before computers

-Memory was something that you were loosing with age
-An application was meant for employment
-A program was a TV-show
-A keyboard was a piano
-A web was a spider’s home
-A virus was the flu
-A CD was a bank account
-A hard drive was a long trip on the road
-A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
-If you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody will find out.

Guaranteed weight loss program.

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his

doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.

“Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself. “But let’s see what they think they can do.”

So he calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day,10 pounds weight loss program.

The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Well,without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn’t).

A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has

his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last

time and thinks to himself with a nod,”I like the way this company

does business.”

For the next two days the same girl shows up and the same thing

happens each time.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds.

Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 pounds weight

loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems

like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might

be like this time.

As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it,there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

He’s out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her.

But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.She is

wonderful, the best he has ever had.

The man is really looking forward to the next four days… For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight.

On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds.

“I love this company,” he thinks to himself, “I never knew

losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.”

Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and

subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. “Are you sure, sir?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.”

“Absolutely,” says he, “I love your program.Haven’t felt this good in years!”

The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it.

There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads “If I can catch you, I can have you.”